The Long and Winding Road ...

It seems that a lot of my titles have to do with song titles as well - today's seems so appropriate. I feel like our lives are on this long and winding road and I am not sure what is next or what may come around the next corner.

For the most part, I believe that we have handled ourselves with dignity and grace through this latest change in life. It has been hard and it is painful when you people you thought were your friends turn on you or ignore you when they see you - it is tough, hard to understand, gets you to thinking where the hell is God in all of this? I know he is there, he is here right now with me, but it is hard sometimes to feel him, to see where he may be leading - we carry on, we continue and maybe most importantly, we know he loves us.

The winding road is lonely, full of potholes, curves, unable to see what is around the next corner and for me, that is hard. I would like an email from God telling me what is next, at least I could have peace, knowing if I might be changing what i do for a living, or if we are going to move and to where. My life is full of questions, I am 43, I feel right now that life should be full of more certainity than questions.

There is no doubt that I am in the middle of some dark days - I have to admit that I do feel like a failure to my family in many ways - as a child my dad never changed jobs, we never moved, and I was hoping that I could provide the same certainity for my family. So the evil one, and those who gossiped about me, and put me into this position, maybe smiling and happy, but I know that ultimately God will win and this winding and long road will become clearer as to what is next - but in the meantime, I have to wrestle with the pain, my feelings and uncertainity and ask God to use that to transform into someone better, someone more like Him, someone who will be used in greater ways - so God, I guess what I am saying is that this long and winding road, though hard and painful, may it lead me closer to Your Heart, and may I be better and not bitter and may I be able to live Psalm 3:3 - "But you, O lord, are a shield around me, you are my glory, the One who holds my head high." May it be so. Amen.